


Barophobia

by chibimono



Series: Shifting Dynamics [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fear of Falling, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, barophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 15:26:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11786010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibimono/pseuds/chibimono
Summary: Bucky's got a fear of falling. He just needs to learn that there are people who can catch him.





	Barophobia

**Author's Note:**

> For the 2015 Slashorific fest, with the prompt:
>
>> “Not just beautiful, though--the stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they're watching me.” Haruki Murakami

When Coulson laid the folder on the table, Bucky was more than ready to get it over with. This was the last training session he needed to become a full fledge agent, the last obstacle keeping him from joining the roster of Avenger's Bravo team. The last step to joining Steve and Tony in the field. 

He ignored the look of concern on Coulson's face as he went over the details in the folder, reading the basics needed to cover training, the theory of techniques, the expectations of when to use the action in the field, and the subsequent outcome if things should go wrong. Bucky laughed at that. 

He'd fallen from the Alps and survived. BASE jumping shouldn't be a problem.

*****

As Bucky dry heaved, backed into the corner of the platform, he realized that unwillingly falling from great heights isn't quite the same as purposefully jumping. He got what the concerned look from Coulson was for now. 

Well, shit.

*****

He's going to try again. If it gets him out there with Steve and Tony, he'll find some way to get over it.

He stepped to the edge of the balcony, looking over the railing to see how high Avengers Tower loomed over Manhattan, at the tiny cars moving along the street and people the size of bugs. There was no vertigo, no nausea. No fear.

Climbing up onto the rail was a different experience. The bottom fell out of his stomach and everything swayed as the ground below seemed to dip and stretch, the distance that much farther. He tumbled back onto the balcony, scrambled for the glass door, and got as far away from the edge as he could.

*****

"So, when are you getting the official catsuit?" Tony asked as he pulled up a stool, sitting down to lay out his bundle of jeweler's tools. "I, for one, can't wait to peel it off of you."

"I don't know," Bucky lied. "I guess they can't find the right size for my shoulders."

"They should look into better tailors..." Tony started, opening a panel in Bucky's arm and moving a magnifying glass into place. "We can have yours sent down to our man De Luca, the best. He's the guy that gets Steve's shoulders just right in those blazers..."

*****

He tried again, tried just closing his eyes and taking a step over the edge. 

His reflexes were quicker than he thought, acting on self-preservation more than anything. His body twisted, arms lashing out to catch the edge with the tips of his fingers. His ears were ringing, a phantom echo of _Bucky, hold on!_ His vision swam as Steve reached for his hand, but blinking only revealed it to be Coulson. 

Riding the quinjet back to Avengers Tower left Bucky hollow and defeated. The only thing stopping him from joining Steve again was to fall. And he just couldn't let go.

*****

"They need to hurry up and make this shit official. I'm tired of waiting to congratulate you," Tony griped as he read over a line of code. "We need a party. Booze, cake, the whole works. What the hell is holding them up?"

"I... I am." Bucky could feel the grimace cross his face in admitting it out loud. He felt foolish, that he was a failure somehow for being unable to do something so simple. Everyone had done it; it was even required for the Avengers, since they were officially sanctioned under SHIELD. 

Tony waved the holographic screen away, opened his mouth, and then closed it. He was obviously trying to find something say, maybe a little more sensitive than whatever he initially thought to blurt. 

"Just say it. I'm not gonna cry about it," Bucky groaned, rolling his eyes.

Tony sighed, shaking his head as the words tumbled out. "If it's the whole murder monster thing again, it's totally cool. Steve says you shouldn't have to fight unless this is what you really want."

But this was what Bucky wanted. Thanks to Steve and Tony, he's come to accept the part of him that was the Asset, the Winter Soldier. He wanted to give that side a purpose better than just the death of enemies. The purpose of life, to protect his important people and save innocent civilians. "It's what I want," Bucky said, the honesty of it making his chest ache. Because he was so close... 

"So, what's stopping you from wrestling this thing to the ground? You've been gung-ho as fuck up to this point."

Bucky rubbed a hand over his face. "BASE jumping," he blew out on a dejected breath.

"Wow, no shit?" Tony winced. "You'd think they'd wave that or something? Then again, they still made Steve do, and the damn showoff didn't even use his 'chute. Bruce just Hulked out stepping off the platform; it was great, you should have seen the crater he made when he landed."

"Not helping," Bucky muttered.

"Yeah, okay, I get that. Shutting up about it," Tony said, hopping up off his workstool and moving around. Bucky could tell right off he was thinking something, hashing out an idea, the kinetic energy of his thought process making his hands dance over the work still floating in the air around him. "JARVIS? Do we have an extra hug'n carry suit? You know, the full one?"

"We have the initial prototype, but the completed version was adapted to Captain Roger's dropsuit. I'm afraid a few modifications will be needed to make it wearable beyond 12,000 feet."

"Good enough for our purposes, J. Can we suit our beloved cyborg up?"

Bucky frowned. "What are we doing?"

"Going for a ride. Step right this way, Buck Lightyear," Tony said, waving him over to the main parts storage area behind the Iron Man display cases. JARVIS conveniently opened a cage of uniforms, where Tony pulled out a jumpsuit made of a dense, but sleek black material. "Put this on while I do the armor thing. JARVIS, point out some boots and the helmet, if you please."

"Of course, Sir." A series of overhead lights drew Bucky further into the cage, where several pairs of boots sat on the floor, helmets resting on the shelves over them. 

Bucky shrugged into the suit over his clothing, flexing his fingers in the built-in gloves. Zipping it up all the way covered the bottom half of his face, but not in any way that felt restraining. He stepped in and zipped up a pair of boots close to his size, then grabbed a helmet on his way out. 

Tony was waiting for him in full armor, with his face plate down. "I'm scanning, making sure you've got full coverage. Give us a spin? Also, you're wearing those boxer-briefs today? Your ass looks great under those jeans, by the way. Add the helmet for the full effect."

It felt like any other motorcycle helmet Bucky had ever worn as he pulled it on. Until his hands let go of it and it sealed around Bucky's throat. It was more surprising than uncomfortable, especially has he felt the whole suit compress around him in much the same way.

"You're pressurized," Tony explained through comm unit in the helmet. "Oxygen will pump into the helmet if you need it. And the suit interacts with electromagnetic currents I can run through my armor. You press up against the armor when it's activated, you won't come unfastened until I want you to. Now give me a hug, sugar lips."

Bucky wasn't exactly sure what he was getting into, but went for it anyway, smiling under the face shield. He stepped up to Tony, putting both his feet on Iron Man's metal boots, and wrapped his arms around Iron Man's waist. He felt it the moment the his suit activated, the pressurized fabric around him clinging to the metal against it, holding him solid to Tony's front. 

The whine of boot repulsors started and they hovered. "You can't let go, even if you want to," Tony said. The quick movement of the armor stole Bucky's breath away as they shot forward and around, out the workshop hatch, and straight up into the night sky. With the speeds they moved, Bucky's head was forced against Iron Man's shoulder, keeping him from seeing anything as they climbed in altitude. In what felt like several long minutes, they came to a stop, bobbing gently in the air from boot repulsors keeping them aloft. 

Finally able to look around, Bucky found they were a long way above Earth. He felt his chest seize up at the distance and turned back his face back into Tony's shoulder. He thought of the iron rail he held on to, snapping under his weight, and his hand reaching out for Steve as he fell from a speeding train.

"I wouldn't let you go," Tony said, his voice a whisper over the comm, just loud enough to demand Bucky's attention. "But instead of looking down, look up?" 

Like a million pin-pricks of light through midnight velvet, the stars shown brightly over their heads. More stars than he had ever seen out in the wilderness of Europe at war. He could just see skyglow of New York in his peripheral, reaching for them from below. The only thing keeping him there, suspended between heaven and earth in that very moment, was Tony's armor. 

"I wouldn't let you go," Tony repeated. "Steve wouldn't have let you go. He still beats himself up for it, you know that. But maybe... I don't know. Maybe _you_ 've got to let go? And believe we'll catch you. Not just me and Steve, but all of us, the team."

Bucky knocked his forehead against Tony's faceplate. His stomach dropped as he let out a shaky breath. "You'll catch me?"

"You bet your sweet ass, I will."

He could feel the sensation of static cling lift from his suit. Keeping his sight on the glow of Iron Man's eyes, Bucky slipped his arms from around Tony's waist, held his breath, and tipped backward. Bucky could see Steve reach for him, hear the scream ripped from his throat, and he's bracing for the crunch and cold and darkness at the end.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Tony laughed, and Bucky felt the magnetic pull against his glove. Opening eyes he never knew he closed, Bucky looked to the stars above before turning to look at Iron Man. At Tony holding his hand as they dropped from the sky. Tony pulling him close, tucking him in against him tight, and rocketing back up into the sky.

Again and again, they fell and rose against a backdrop of twinkling stars.

And when they finally touched down together on the balcony of Avengers Tower, Bucky felt more like walking the edge of the railing than getting away from it.


End file.
